{missing my dad}


Today is the two-year mark of my dad’s death {you can read about that HERE, HERE & HERE}. I can hardly believe it. Mostly we are just celebrating his life today but of course we are sad. I feel sad at the most random times. A song on the radio or something the kids say about my dad often bring tears to my eyes. It is bittersweet to feel his absence so deeply and yet know he is in Heaven with our sweet Jesus {and with his Mom & Dad pictured here}.

When I think about motherhood I am continually drawn towards thoughts of my Grandma Lil. My dad loved her and she loved him. She was a remarkable woman who took great care of her kids, her family, her neighbors. There was a short time in our married life when Aaron and I lived in my grandparents house of 40 years. The neighbors who still lived around that house would consistently mention how loving and kind my Grandma had been to them. She was the kind of person who did not take herself too seriously, loved Jesus, had a generous heart and would always “go with the flow” in life. Most of her days were spent in the kitchen and I thought her food was the most wonderful tasting food in the world. To me her Thanksgiving and Easter meals were fit for royalty. She was patient and frugal and adored children. She would have had 20 kids if she could have. Her only fault was that she did not take very good care of herself. Once I was at her house for a family gathering around the age of 8 and my mom encouraged me to go with her on some outings. To my shock {and horror} she passed-out in the grocery store and refused to call my grandpa when she finally “came-to” because she didn’t want to bother anyone. You have to picture my grandma literally laying on the grocery store floor {it was near the produce area} and shrugging it off as half a dozen people tried to help her. She kept saying she should have eaten more but it was no big deal. I didn’t know her address or phone number so I just had to get back into the car with her. I remember praying desperately for safety during the drive home because I was terrified that she would pass-out again and crash. And the funniest part was when we finally made it back to her house after the death-defying 10 minute drive home she walked in the door and said nothing. Not a peep. Just acted like it was a normal outing. She was a tough and humble lady and I truly loved and adored her.

The reason I am going on and on about this wonderful lady is that she is one of the greatest mothers that I have ever known and a few years before my dad died he told me that I reminded him of her as a mother. The more he got to see me interact with my kids and see the kind of mother I was he would, from time to time, say that I reminded him of her. Honestly it may have been the biggest complement my dad ever gave me. Sharing affection or encouragement with me was a rare thing so while I’m convinced that I have a lot of work to do to be as wonderful as she was I cherish the sentiment from my dad. I will cherish it forever.


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  1. {musings on MOTHERHOOD begins} | everydayVALENTINE - October 21, 2014

    […] Day 15: missing my dad […]

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